The Miracle
by PervySageChuck
Summary: Ainz is NOT all-powerful. Sometimes, a miracle is needed.
1. Chapter 1: The Miracle

The Miracle

Written by: PervySageChuck

Based on a true story...

Enri and Nfirea Bareare had been blessed with a long and happy life together. They had even had their natural lifespans extended by the grace and magic of their Lord and Savior, King Ainz of the Sorcerous Kingdom. They had seen their children, their grandchildren and even their great-grandchildren grow up strong and healthy as they developed their individual lives of success as agents of Nazarick's highly successful merchant guild which became known throughout the land as the fairest and most reliable source of magical goods available.

But at last, even Enri and Enfi were reaching the limit of their lifespans and Enfi became depressed as his dear wife, Enri, grew weak and sick with the inevitable effects of advanced age.

In desperation, the aged Enfi took his ailing wife to the Great Tomb of Nazarick to plead with King Ainz to see if anything could be done for her.

Ainz, who had grown to love the two of them as if they were his own children, sadly told Enfi that he had already done everything possible to keep them alive and while Enri rested in a comfortable bed in one of the rooms belonging to one of Lord Ainz' former companions, Ainz gave Enfi the bad news that his wife had no more than a half hour to live.

"We shall wait outside the room while you spend her last moments alive with just the two of you alone," said Ainz, who then ushered Enfi into the room, closing the door behind him to give the two their privacy.

Enfi walked over to the bed and said, "My dear, beloved Enri... Is there anything that I can do for you?"

Enri weakly answered, "There is ONE thing that I would like to ask of you, but I've been afraid to ask it over all of these past wonderful years that I have had with you, my love."

"Ask me, my beloved!" said Enfi. "You know that I would do anything for you."

"Well, I have always wanted you to make love to me with your tongue, but have always been afraid to ask, for fear that you would have a bad impression of me."

"That's ridiculous! I have always wanted to do that for you, but was always afraid that you would consider me to be a depraved pervert for wishing to do that for you! Of course I will be more than happy to do that for you!"

And with that, Enfi got on the bed and buried his aged and wrinkled face in between his elderly wife's legs and proceeded to pleasure her as she had never been pleasured before!

After about twenty minutes of this, Enri's moans of pleasure reached a climax and with a tremendous scream of ecstasy, she suddenly jumped up out of the bed and started singing and dancing in the room.

Hearing the commotion and fearing that Enri had finally passed away, Ainz and his medical cleric ran into the room to see Enri singing and dancing with a huge smile on her face and after a quick examination, the cleric proclaimed with an amazed voice, "She is cured! She is going to live and NOT die! It is a TRUE MIRACLE!"

Ainz was very happy and looked around for Enfi to congratulate him, but discovered Enfi sitting in a corner of the room, crying with a look of abject misery on his face.

"Why are you crying, Enfi?" asked Ainz. "Your wife is cured and is going to live. Aren't you happy about that?"

Enfi sniffed back a sob and wiped the tears streaming down his face and replied...

"I could have saved Grandma Lizzie!"


	2. Chapter 2: Bad Days

The Miracle

By PervySageChuck

Chapter 2: Bad Days

The bartender was polishing some freshly cleaned glasses when he spied his old friend, Nfirea Bareare walking in with a downcast look on his face.

"I haven't seen you in here since you got married to that lovely girl from Carne village," said the barkeep. "What brings you here looking so sad?"

Nfirea glanced up at his bartending friend and said, "Line up six shots of the most potent drink that you have. I need them badly."

"SIX shots!? You must have had a really bad day to need all of that! What happened?"

"Well, you know how happy I've been with my wife, Enri, since we got married a few months ago, right?"

"Yeah, it was a match made in heaven, in my opinion, my alchemist friend."

"Well, she is pregnant with our first child."

"Congratulations, Nfirea! I always knew that you had it in you!"

"Thanks, Joe. But anyway, she is starting to swell with the child growing inside of her and I decided to help with some of the farm chores in order to make it easier on her."

Joe smiled and said, "That's the dependable husband for you! I'll bet she really appreciated it."

"Yeah," said Nfirea. "She did until earlier today…"

"What happened?" said Joe, anxiously.

"I went to milk the cow for her since she has difficulty moving around right now." prefaced Nfirea. "I went into the barn and set the stool up next to old Bessie and placed a small bucket under her udder. I then proceeded to milk her."

"Sounds simple enough. What happened next?"

Nfirea continued, "After filling up the small bucket, Bessie kicked it over with her right rear leg." Nfie sighed and then said, "So I tied her leg to the post on one side of her stall and set the bucket back upright and milked her some more."

Joe grimaced in sympathy and said, "Sounds like a lot of extra work, eh?"

"Well, I wasn't worried about that, but after filling the bucket up a second time, Bessie kicked it over with her left rear leg. So I tied her left leg to a post on the other side of the stall and set the bucket up a third time."

"Geez! This is beginning to sound like a lot of trouble!" replied Joe.

"You got that right, Joe!" Nfirea answered. "I filled up the bucket that third time and suddenly, Bessie swished her tail down and knocked the bucket over a third time."

"Wow! All of that effort wasted on a grumpy old cow!" Joe said while setting up the last of the six shots in front of his friend. "So, what did you do about this? Did you give up? Because I would have at that point."

"No. I had to get the milking done, so I set the bucket up once again and walked around behind Bessie and lifted her tail up to keep it out of the way."

Nfie sighed once again and continued, "At that point, two things happened. My wife walked in to see how I was doing and my belt buckle suddenly snapped, dropping my pants down around my ankles."

"At that moment," said Nfirea, "I realized that there are some things that just CAN'T be explained to a woman!"

Bad Days, Part Two

Joe, the bartender was polishing some freshly cleaned glasses when he spied his old friend, Nfirea Bareare walking in with a downcast look on his face.

 _Uh, oh!_ thought Joe, _I wonder what happened this time._

"Joe," said Nfirea, "set up six shots of your strongest liquor!"

"Oh, no," said Joe. "Did you have a bad day?"

"You said it, Joe!" Nfirea answered. "Now line up that booze. I need it REALLY bad after what happened earlier today!"

Joe looked at his good friend and said, "Lord Ainz protect us! What could have happened that is so terrible?"

"It started last night. Enfi and I were celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary and things got really strenuous after we went to bed."

"So far, that sounds pretty good, my virile young friend!" Joe said while smiling.

"Maybe... But I was so tired afterwards that I slept in and arrived at the potion shop two hours late. Grandma Lizzie was so mad that she punished me with two weeks off of work WITHOUT pay!"

"That's terrible, Nfirea! That will make it tough on you to support your wife and those six children that you have, won't it?"

"That was just the beginning, Joe," said Nfirea. " I went home feeling depressed and walked in on my wife having sex with my best friend!"

"WHAT!? But I thought that she was so in love with you!" said Joe.

"So did I, my friend. So did I."

"What did you do after that, Nfirea?" asked Joe.

"I kicked her cheating ass out of our home and told her that I never wanted to see her again!" proclaimed Nfirea angrily.

"And what did you say to your best friend?" queried Joe.

"I looked at my best friend and said..." Nfirea took a deep breath and finished,

"BAD DOG!"


End file.
